so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
