So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
