No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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