Betty ford says i'm here all night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
