you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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