I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
