You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm too high and old for this...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
