I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
