There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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