I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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