Tell her she can't have a vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
