Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
