i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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