Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
