I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
