I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
