That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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