What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
