the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
