Ambien. No doubt about it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
