tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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