he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
