I need help removing her.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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