I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
