I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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