I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
