Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I looked at my own cervix.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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