I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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