yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
