Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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