Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
