Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
