Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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