Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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