I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
