I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
