Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
