good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
