Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
