Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
