I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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