I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
