My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
