Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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