i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
