i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
