it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
