Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My vagina is officially offended.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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