Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
