you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
