Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
