I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
